Long, long ago (I was in 6th grade) I went to a YMCA dance with some friends. Kids from all over my home town went and most of us tended to hang out with the kids from our own schools.

I still remember one boy I didn’t know who wanted to dance with Linda Greenstreet. Phil Llewellyn was dancing with her. This other boy pushed Phil (who was a big, strong but gentle lad) away from Linda. He didn’t ask if he could cut in, he pushed Phil hard then put his fists up.

Naturally, all of Phil’s friends circled this intruder. Linda and a bunch of the other girls from my school huddled together and talked (no idea what they said). Linda said out loud that it was okay, she’d dance with this newcomer.

His dance, more than anything else, is what causes me to remember this incident. Even in 8th grade I recognized it as a territorial display. I didn’t know the term but knew the dance — a large step with hands up not quite in fists, a facial grimace with eyes wide open and watching all the other males in our group, and an almost perfect square with Linda essentially dancing by herself at its center — was a demonstration of male dominance and possession. Years later, remembering his steps and posture, I was saddened to think of what his family life must have been like.

In any case, after that dance was over the girls from my school and several others mysteriously disappeared. I did find out that while Linda danced the other girls called parents to come get them.

This one fellow through his efforts alone closed the dance down.

Interestingly enough, research now has social models of the hyperaggressive male and sure enough, one overly aggressive male zeroes out the dating possibilities for all of us. Females avoid all males, not just the hyperaggressive one, because they know the most likely outcome of such encounters is that everyone gets harmed.

Also interesting is that females will tolerate lots of aggressive males together but there is a limit that any one male can go in their aggression before the shutdown occurs. What this point is is unknown in the large and obvious in the small.

Go to a party and if you start seeing the women congregate by themselves, directing mutual glances at one or two specific males, you’re seeing the shutdown start. Do the women’s movements become smaller, perhaps tighter, more collected (if you’ve studied equine management you’ll know what I mean. Normal movements are now performed in a smaller space)? Then things are escalating. Do the women start pulling themselves out of the center of the room or gathering area? Are they making motions to leave en masse? Then it’s obvious.

Guys, follow the women’s lead. Hyperaggressive males are dealing with issues well outside the scope of what the immediate social gathering entails and there’s very little you can do — well intentioned or otherwise — to make things flow more easily. Following the women’s lead eventually leaves the hyperaggressive male all alone in the center of the room. That happens often enough and they might get the message.

Besides, if you follow the women’s lead you’ll be in the parking lot — or wherever — when they head for their cars. Talk to them, ask them if they’re okay, say you’re sorry about that jerk dancing a huge square in the middle of the room.

Nice guys may finish last but at least they do get to finish what they started.

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