Stumbling along...

Moderator: ervin

Stumbling along...

Postby shine » Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:26 am

Well... This was an interesting week.

Having practice yoga and tai chi together for over 2 years... I knew that one week wouldn't be enough time to master concious breathing. This practice alone can take years and years to master I think.

That being said, I tried my best to be concious of it and I did feel that I got some results out of it. I am constantly reminding myeslf throughout the day to breath through my stomach, but it doesn't last for very long at all before I forget and go back to breathing unconciously. I have become aware of where I am breathing into when I do it unconciously though. I am mostly breathing into my sternum.

I feel that using breath is very very challenging for me... VERY challenging indeed...

I've been making a lot of observations with my ESE's lately.

I've been noticing a threshold in the energy building up in my groin. It eventually
reaches to a point where the energy gets too strong and has nowhere to go, so my penis
starts twitching slightly with pleasure. I was playing with this threshold and seeing
how long I could ride the edge of the line.

I've been feeling more of my energy moving actively, though I haven't been able to take
control of it yet. It's been frustrating.

I feel a loss in motivation and doing my daily kegals is becoming more and more difficult with every passing day. I guess it's because I've been on this path for 5 years and I feel that I haven't gotten anywhere. It's very demoralizing.

The thing I have really gained the most of from this course so far is that I am simply a lot more aware and a lot more mindful of my sexual energy.


As for my habits, I am still doing essentially the same thing, only now I am touching the rest of my body as I masturbate and I am trying to breath more and experiment more with PC muscle squeezes. I feel like my habits have essentially not changed and I feel like touching the rest of my body isn't really helping to move the energy or gain more control of my body, but perhaps it takes a long time to start having and effect...

I feel like I have all of this massive sexual energy built up after about an hour or two of ESE, but it has nowhere to go. It NEEDS release, so I usually just push myself to the edge of orgasm and clench down hard on my PC muscles and have a dry orgasm. I feel that this is not healthy though.


I am sure we will learn more as we go along, so I am trying to be patient, but right now I feel really discouraged without a lack of any breakthroughs or major results. But this fluctuates...


Some days I'm like "OK YEAH, I'M GOING TO DO THIS!" and other days I'm like "Crap, I have gotten nowhere in 5 years and it's futile..."


I really hope I figure this stuff out in the end...
shine
 


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