Sound and ESE

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Sound and ESE

Postby wrldtree » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:44 am

This week I played with sound. I still admit, of course, to be struggling a bit with the ESE. I think I had an epiphany that part of my beliefs are still influenced, somewhat, that beliefs originating in my Christian upbringing that working with the body this way is bad or something like that. That may be one reason that I rely so much on fantasy (often no so realistic or involving much in the way of actual sex) to get off in the past. So there are feelings of questioning, doubt, most of all just wondering if I’m weird, that I’m still working through. This is sort of embarrassing because at 54 years old, and practicing some form of meditation for many years, you would think that I would have left that behind. Still, here I am.


So a few days ago I worked with introducing sound into the ESE. I was also wanting to be very present and not rely on fantasy or stories running through my head. I was curious to see if the sound could help generate arousal. I would say that I got up to 3 or 4 on the staircase, but no higher. I think the sound helped some, but I’m not sure. I also had some music on (and wasn’t sure if the music was congruent with the sound I wanted to make.) This got me thinking about what sort of music might be better suited for this practice. More percussion? Slower? More sensual? Again, I didn’t use much in the way of visualization, got to 3 or 4, then stopped after 40 minutes.


Last night I practiced ESE again with sound. This time I did use some visualization because I wanted to practice using sound higher up on the staircase and because this week presence wasn’t exactly the focus (but I realize it’s still important). The visualization helped, but I still got only to around 5 on the staircase. At one point, I did revert back to an old habit of using a pillow between my legs, but then discontinued that when I seemed to get up to around 8 on the staircase. I was very close to ejaculating, stopped, and used different kinds of sound. I think there was a slight sense of dispersal of energy but not sure. From this point, I used only my hand on my cock. (I’m also still learning to stimulate myself in other parts of my body, but still not getting that much aroused from that.)


Although I continued to explore different sounds, I think I was too stuck in my head via fantasies to really appreciate the ways it was having an effect. I guess it’s somewhat challenging to let go of the fantasies once I start using them on the staircase. About the third time I ascended I went ahead with the ejaculation.
wrldtree
 


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