Sound report 10-22

Moderator: ervin

Sound report 10-22

Postby unruhlee » Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:00 am

Just tried about 20 min of erotic self-exploration with emphasis on sound experiments. Was really nice. I had been feeling really inhibited about it, and like it was forced, the last weeks and beyond. But last night while driving alone late at night I went all out getting really loud and funny and over-the-top with sounding and I think that helped prepare me for today.

Lots of little pulsing moans during one inhale, for one example, felt really expressive of nuanced pleasurable feelings, and also helped remind me to be aware with my breath and overall presence. That in turn helped me be where I could consciously intend to be on the arousal staircase. Pretty awesome and I can see I’ve only scratched the surface of possibilities with this!

I was being relatively quiet, thinking not to have neighbors in my building hear me. That actually seemed to help me feel like it was less forced, and helped me feel less inhibited. Before I had it in my mind that if I was gonna do sound, it was gonna be loud. But I was surprised how expressive I could be when relatively quiet, and it still went a long way towards eliciting as well as expressing pleasure, etc.

Just a little note here, by the way….I’ve noticed that in doing my pc muscle exercises, erotic self-explorations, and sexing with a partner, my quality of presence, and my ability to breath deeply, slowly, and into the belly, and with awareness, really varies a lot! My first reaction to this was to kind of beat myself up about it emotionally a little bit. Like berating myself for not being able to maintain a high level of quality awareness that I feel I had attained last week or whatever. But now I’m realizing that it’s actually something I could be celebrating, that my awareness of the quality of my own body awareness is increasing. I have some sense that there are many many factors affecting it, too, including subtle immune responses going on which might make me feel a bit not “up to par,” how rested I am and how well I’ve been eating, and lots of emotional state variations that have to do with where I’m at in dealing with my ex I have a lot of trauma around, whether I’ve been having a lot of anxiety because I need to talk to her about something and struggle with the best way to approach that, or whether I feel relatively good about having resolved that, or whether I have not been thinking about her relatively at all and feeling better not dwelling on it. …..Some of these things are more easily altered than others, but I can also just acknowledge and accept that there is a flux of things that will affect the quality of my sexual experience, the “consistency of my performance” for lack of a less ego-loaded phrase….and that’s ok.

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