A bad night

Moderator: ervin

A bad night

Postby ronmastery » Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:55 pm

So last night I had a hard time sleeping. In fact, there have been many nights during the past week that I had difficulties. I am not sure why this is so, nothing that unusual has happened. Yes, there are stressors in my life - no work, no woman, etc., but I'm not sure they woke me up, or what it was that caused me to awaken. When I couldn't get back to sleep, however, my mind turned to these.

So last night I decided since I was up, to do an ESE. I thought I might as well, and that having an orgasm might help me sleep. I had a hard time focussing on my pleasure however. And then, when I didn't get hard, that just added to the other thoughts I was having. I did try to return to being present with what was happening physically, but was not able to. Then, I suddenly came. Without an erection. Without even being excited before hand. It all happened within about one second. This was probably the worst masturbation experience ever, certainly the worst during this course.

This of course did not help my frame of my mind. I spent the rest of the night searching on the internet for some kind of help with this issue. I did learn a few things. One is that fatigue can contribute to lack of erection. So in a way, this was the worst time for me to look to get erect. In hindsight, it might have been smarter just to try to comfort my body with my touch.

Another is that a man's self esteem affects his ability to have an erection. And a man's ability to have an erection affects his self esteem. That is, this is a circle. Unfortunately, I seem to be on the downward side of it. The good news is that there is an upward side of it - but I haven't figure out how to tap into it yet.

This led me to start looking into self esteem on the internet. Being unemployed is not only a financial stressor, but it has several side effects - low self esteem being one of them. Ideally, our self esteem should not be tied to our work. But that is, to some extent, an ideal.

So then, I thought about what techniques have helped me in the past. I do know something about Emotional Freedom Technique, so this evening have tried EFT around this issue. While I only did a short session, I can say that I did feel that I have a lot of charge around this, and was able to release some, but know there is more to do. This is a start.

I also should mention that last night I also ended up googling "meaning of life" and ended up on the Dalai Lama's website. This is worth looking at if you ever have existential questions.

Obviously, things are not resolved. I am trying to stay with the process.



Last bumped by Anonymous on Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:55 pm.

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